Lonely paths

Tramore - Ireland

Have taken me as pagan (read the post where I explain how this happened) does not mean that I had to threw away all spiritual baggage  to embrace this philosophy. Not at all.
Thia way, reincarnation is not a fact that I can put aside because I know that those who are next to me, have been in my past lives. Life is cyclical, birth, growth, death and rebirth (reincarnation) so why the cycle of the soul would not it?
As I approach the sunset of my life in this current cycle, I could not stop thinking about the paths I chose and the repercussions these choices made.
I'm pretty sure that any decision in my youth led me to this: stuck, frreezed, atrophying my mind and body. But what would have been the decision? The decisions of other people who crossed my way or not?
Many may say that these questions have no answer. I would say the opposite: the alternatives are many. Who can deny that the vengeful attitude of a person can not get us out of our way? Or as indecision and fear of others to be part of our lives can also take us out of our destiny.
So how can anyone say that there is no fate? Such a person does not have the notion, knowledge, attitudes of others who passed through his/her life and whose decisions affect your way. We are always so focused on ourselves that we forget that other people are part of our life and we influence on each other's lives. And it also affects find the person which we should spend much of our life, which no doubt is what makes me sad most and makes me think that no one deserves to be next to me, especially after everything that went alone.
It seems contradictory? But it is not.
There was a time when the right person could have joined me on this journey, but decided to follow another path. Would I should give another  chance to this person in another life? I think I should not, because if he did not have the esteem and affection necessary to assume a greater commitment in my life, he does not have the merits to be part of my life again. I do not want to go through the same conflict again.
It seems hurt or resentment? For some time it was, but after a very long reflection, I decided that I no longer wanted these people in my life, to not continue suffering or having hopes in vain. Who has to be my best partner can only be myself.
All this is certainly confusing, but life is confusing  itself, and ubiquitous loneliness ...